


I'm Still A Mess

by Withstarryeyes



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alcoholic Tony Stark, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2018-04-26
Packaged: 2019-04-28 01:50:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14438913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Withstarryeyes/pseuds/Withstarryeyes
Summary: Tony flees to the bottle as his only way to cope. Bucky will be there when he wakes up.





	I'm Still A Mess

The stars are the only thing that is constant. They swirl around the sky, dancing up and down throughout the night, light twinkling like a knowing smile. He takes a swig from his bottle, feeling the burn itch down his throat and coughs harshly into his hand, wincing at it. 

His hands are numb at this point and he hisses when he flexes them, feeling the heat flood back into them like a fire being lit. His buzzes his lips, leans back and closes his eyes. Light doesn’t flow into them anymore, it’s dark and lonely and he thinks _finally, some peace._

_Peace_. He hasn’t had that since he flew that nuke into the wormhole and for two glorious minutes, his world was dark, silent. 

It isn’t silent now, how can it be with the city down below him? No, he can hear taxis rushing past and the starting of a thunderstorm rumbling over him. He can hear footsteps and laughter on the floors below him, music rushing out from opened doors and yelling, sirens and cats and noises. Noise. It’s there always, almost as constant as the stars but it leaves when he’s sleeping or working or hell, having a panic attack scrunched up in the back of his closet, content at the contact all around him. Nothing can catch up to him there. 

He’s not having a panic attack now, at least he doesn’t think so. His breath is steady, slow if anything, and his lids are drooping. He feels on top of the world, his cheeks warm, his hair long enough to flop over his ears. 

The noises are fading, he notices and when he opens his eyes the world is halfway dark, only pinpricks of lights from the sky above him. A hum roars in his ears and the numbness spreads over his chest and into his cheeks, the warmth flees like wolves after a gunshot. Disturbed and frightened. Fleeting fear floods him and only then can he feel his mind trying to claw its way back into reality, trying to grab onto anything it can. But he’s slipping, he can feel it and he’s so tired. 

_Peace,_ it snarls, something tempting from deep inside him. He follows it. 

_Peace._ It’s a glowing orb on the back of his eyelids, warm and bright and he reaches for it, watching as it dances out of his fingertips, moving further and further and he follows it like the damn kids from the German fairy tale, suckers for candy. 

The fear tries to plead with him, sounds a hell of a lot like Bucky but the hymn of the orb is drawing him in and he _can’t_ , _he won’t_ wait any longer. 

* * *

Consciousness laps at his brain like the tide, calm and soothing, sucking at his toes and pulling him down. 

There’s a hissing coming from his nose and Tony blinks open his eyes, overwhelming white in his vision. Something is clamped on his finger and he can feel pads stuck in the hairs on his chest. He thinks there’s a tube in his nose, his fingers reach for it only to be stopped before they can fully reach it. Warmth floods his fingers and he turns his head, the world tilting for a second, sending him reeling into the pillows behind him, dizzy.  

He coughs a couple of times into the dry air and a pair of arms wrap around his back, lifts him. The world dips and sways, he coughs, the world keeps moving. When it stills his ears are turned on again. 

“You’re okay, you’re okay.” _Bucky._ Tony nods and pries his eyes open, for the first time getting a glimpse of Bucky and his cold blue eyes. It’s like he’s finally had a sip of water after being trapped in the desert. He smiles and Bucky sighs an _angry, tired_ sigh but there’s relief there too. Between the lines of  _“You’re an idiot”_ and _‘’I can’t believe you”_ right where his hands are wrapped around Tony’s wrist,shaking, scared.

“Bucky,” he starts before the other man can and there’s so much hope in his voice, wavering with unshed tears. His veins still thrum with the alcohol, still burn with the need for it. 

“Shut up. Morning,” He barks and clambers into the bed, his head resting right over the arc reactor. Tony settles down and runs an arm around Bucky’s back, traces his fingers in the grooves of his metal arm. 

“I-... she was my mother, Buck. And the piano was being played at he party, on the anniversary of her death and I just...”

“I know, Tony. I know.”

It’s not fixed by a longshot, Tony knows and he can still feel the hurt convulsing in his chest. But he’s with his boyfriend and hiss head is on his chest and for the first time, unaided, he feels at peace. Peace in the middle of a hospital, a few hours from being half dead, with a man curled protectively against his chest. 

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you guys like this! I know I've been slow on getting out fics but I'm gradutating in less than a month and I'm getting busy. Thanks for the patience guys. As always if you enjoyed this please leavea kudos or a comment, they really make my day.


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